Thanks to our Partner, NAPA Autotech Training and Pico Technology

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We unpack what “boundaries” actually are—and aren’t—in shops and life. Margaret draws clear lines between rules vs. boundaries, protective vs. containing boundaries, and gives scripts you can use with customers, colleagues, and leadership. Matt adds his trademark honesty (and jokes) about self-regulation, “saying it like it is,” and swapping “but” for “and.”

Sponsor shoutouts

• NAPA AutoTech Training — Apprentice pathways, Tech Update, Service Advisor, and EV Ready week-long hands-on training. Details: napaautotech.com
• Pico Technology (PicoScope) — Turn a PC into a powerful diagnostic scope. Guided tests, EV kit, faster fault-finding. Details: picoauto.com

Key ideas & takeaways

Rules vs. Boundaries:

• Rule: “You’re not allowed to yell at me.” (trying to control others)
• Boundary: “If you yell at me, I will leave the room.” (what I will do)

Two Types of Boundaries:

• Protective: Guard yourself from others’ behavior (leave the room, pause the call).
• Containing: Guard others from your behavior (take a break before you escalate).

Simple Shop Scripts

• Advisor to escalated customer: “I’m happy to help and if the yelling continues, I’ll have to ask you to leave. I’m happy to help when we’re calm.”
• Advisor protecting self: “If voices rise, I’m going to step to the break room for five minutes and then return to help.”
• Employee to manager (after-hours texts): “I’ll handle this when I’m back at work.” (Boundary = your response, not their texting.)

Use “and,” not “but.”

• “I hear you overslept and I need you here on time.”
• Removes the “disqualifier” feel of but, holds two truths at once, reduces power struggles.

Broken-record technique for heat

• Repeat your boundary + offer: “I’m happy to help, and if the yelling continues, I’ll need you to leave.”

Professionalism ≠ light switch

• Containment and communication are skills that need coaching, not just warnings. Managers can (and should) teach, not only discipline.

Reasonable Expectations

• Some things are rules of employment (e.g., start times). People can be upset and the expectation still stands.

Curiosity First

• Lead with, “Are you open to feedback?” “Tell me what would work better.” You can hear it without agreeing to change your decision.

Culture Over Chaos

• We don’t need reality-TV drama in a professional shop. Boundaries + coaching = fewer blowups, better results.

Practical Playbook - Train mechanical specialists and technical specialists to:

• Spot their escalation early (breathing break, lap around the building).
• State boundaries in first-person (“I will…”) not second-person commandments.
• Swap but → and in feedback and estimates.

Train advisors on three phrases:

• “I want to help, and we’ll need to keep voices down to continue.”
• “Let’s pause for five minutes; I’ll be right back to resolve this.”
• “Are you open to some feedback on how we can make this smoother next time?”

Managers:

• Normalize “containment breaks” and back your team when they use them.
• Coach communication like any other hard skill; don’t assume people “just know.”
• Document expectations as rules; teach enforcement as boundaries.

Memorable lines

• “Rules are for others; boundaries are for ourselves.”
• “Compassion lets us care without needing to feel the same way.”
• “You can be upset and the expectation still stands.”

Light moments

• Live AAPEX “cheap pop,” booth door jokes, Matt’s PS5 “trophies,” Strange Brew reference, Vegas Golden Knights game chat, and a two-minute penalty for “boundary crossing.”

Mentioned

• AAPEX & ASTA training events
• Strange Brew (Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas)
• Vegas Golden Knights vs. Red Wings (because, Vegas)

Call to action

• Try the “and not but” swap with one conversation today. Notice the difference.
• Write one protective and one containing boundary you’ll use this week.
• Managers: add a 10-minute “containment skills” block to your next team meeting.

Thanks to our Partner, NAPA Autotech Training

NAPA Autotech’s team of ASE Master Certified Instructors are conducting over 1,200 classes covering 28 automotive topics. To see a selection, go to napaautotech.com for more details.

Thanks to our Partner, Pico Technology

Are you chasing elusive automotive problems? Pico Technology empowers you to see what's really happening. Their PicoScope oscilloscopes transform your diagnostic capabilities. Pinpoint faults in sensors, wiring, and components with unmatched accuracy. Visit PicoAuto.com and revolutionize your diagnostics today! 

Contact Information

• Email Matt: mattfanslowpodcast@gmail.com
• Diagnosing the Aftermarket A - Z YouTube Channel
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